Raising a pre-school child can cause a lot of anxiety. There are times when the child is young, and the parents are embarrassed because they do not have much parenting know-how. Today, let's take a look at how to manage the mind of a beginner in parenting, which you should know beforehand!
You might experience these types of anxiety:
1. You may be comparing your child to other children.
When you are raising a child, you may find yourself in a situation where you compare yourself with others without realising it. When you look at other people's tables, you might think, "My child's table is so shabby", and when you see a quick-talking child, you might worry about your slower-spoken child.
If the timing of turning over or fixing the neck is delayed, it may cause anxiety. Of course, we cannot realistically pretend to be ignorant of all such worries. However, the growth rate of each person is slightly different, and a child's growth delay of one or two months does not affect cognitive ability.
If the developmental period is delayed by 2~3 months or more, a professional examination is necessary, but if it is about a month, please wait with a relaxed mind. No doubt your child will start growing at his or her own pace.
When is the child's motor development period?
- Tilting neck: Around 3 months of age
- Turning over: 4-5 months of age
- Sitting: 6-7 months of age
- Crawling: 7-8 months of age
- Walking: 12-15 months of age
2. You may be wondering if your parenting method is the right direction.
One of the things that worries parents at this time is the 'attachment development' area. We are concerned about whether the attachment relationship between our child and the primary caregiver is well established. To put it a little more simply, since the child is still unable to express themselves in words, you have to infer whether your child is trusting and following you, or the main caregiver, through the child's behavior (e.g., eye contact, laughter).
There are many times when you may feel like you are trying to figure out the inner feelings of your unrequited love. First of all, unless it is an extreme case such as abusing a child, you do not need to worry too much about this. Just because your child exhibits behavior such as throwing objects, or appears to be obsessed with attachment dolls, does not mean that children are engaging in problematic behaviors.
Since the child is not fluent in language, of course, they will express actions before feelings, putting their hands first (e.g., throwing an object). If the child has a habit of sleeping with an attachment doll, they can treat the doll with respect. When you start to look at your child's behavior and say, 'I think something is wrong', it really feels like everything is a problem.
Rather than looking at it like that, look at the child with a relaxed mindset, like 'Children are human too, and I, as an adult, also have mood swings.' Or take a more contemplative attitude, in the sense of looking at a child next door rather than your own child, to help you make cool decisions.
3. The life of the caregiver can be hard and tiring.
Raising children can be exhausting physically and mentally, leading to frequent quarrels between husband and wife, and raising children can be very difficult. Don't try to do everything perfectly. If you can get help from others, you can get help from others for chores, etc., and reduce the cooking time to buy food.
Consider practical ways to make the caregiver's mind and body most comfortable. It's okay if you don't want to give your child the perfect play environment or the perfect fun. Time that seems boring is rather necessary for children. Through that time, children can choose what they want to do and develop their own play method.
Of course, even if you use these methods, it will be difficult to have a good rest time, but, if possible, it is important to consider realistic methods for the caregiver to take a rest according to the situation. When the parents are happy, eventually, the child can be raised in a tolerant atmosphere.
Author: Lee Ji-hyun
- A Secondary School Level 2 Teacher Certificate
- As a real mother of a child, she ponders specific parenting tips between reality and theory. She has worked as an educational civic activist and freelance journalist.